A day in Altz-what's his name's land

Tick-tock, Back and forth
Count your steps.
Waltz is three, clock is two.
Tick-tock,
turn down the shampoo.
The diapers and cars.
or maybe not.
Days float by
in hazy shreds.
Maybe it's the window.
Wipe it.
With shampoo. 
A film is on.
Without a beginning
An egg, some milk
a bit of bread
When was that?
In that place...
that big, big place...
Skoda is a crappy make. 
Ten coins ago.
Where are all the damned spoons?
Where is he?
Who? - Him.
Who's him?
I don't know.
Call him, please.
What is this thing?
It's all your fault.
Books are funny these days.
And the portions - too small.
I'm always hungry.
Tick -tock.
Who took my bed away?
or maybe not...
We had fattened geese.
And soft beds.
And real milk..
I'd like some tea, please. 
Daddy was so tall
Why is it so dark?
When is the day coming?
You're an idiot to vote for this government. 
This salad tastes funny.
Not oil? Soap?
Why are you bringing me tea?  I hate tea.
Take me home, now.
A shaking wrinkled hand reaches out - 

Jerusalem

Jerusalem.
She is an oxymoron, a city of peace that has not known any since time began.
So noisy, yet the silvery bells of silence ring behind the curtains. Stale embroidered brocade of the Arab Shuk and the glitter rain of Succot. Jerusalem of blood, and shakshuka. Ice cream and drums.  Sirens and the Shabbat trumpet. Jerusalem of the theaters and museums, red strings and tzedaka boxes, cholent and the most exquisite windows and doorways. Synthetic modesty and brazen nakedness, tefillin boys and bescarved office she-wolves muttering Psalms on the bus.
Leafy serenity of Katamon, buzz of the city center, and pine cones at the Independence Park.
The cats, having mastered Zen tranquility, observe humans scattering like mice.  Dust obscures the time as it passes, and time turns into dust right in front of your eyes, and stops for a bow at the Kotel.  Eternity winks at you from the window and offers you a tissue.
They'll slap you and throw you to the ground, then run to pick you up, because you could've gotten hurt.  Still in their slippers, because it's Home, and why bother for brothers?
Ever growing Jerusalem, steel and blue glass and  monuments that say everything, yet nothing you could understand.
When the sun goes for a dip in Tel Aviv, Jerusalem blushes the sunset on her cheeks and changes into her purple gown. Till the garbage people alarm her hustle and bustle awake.
Jerusalem, wearing her grey raincoat, splashing at you playfully from every puddle, and showering your feet on every staircase.  Stones polished into a skating rink till no dirt sticks to them.
And faces. Wrinkled faces, screaming with grief faces, clowns and madmen, hungry and greedy, longing and bored, and young olive saplings round the table blessed from Above. 
Walk all around her and surround her, count her towers and make her yours. Watch the elders spitting out the seed shells in her gates and know that the King is standing close behind the Wall, listening in, knocking at the door, looking for His beloved.
Know her, walk her, build her, love her with your every step. Don't waste a minute. Because you're living here for yourself for all those who didn't.
 

The pink elephant, quia absurdum.

Living in Bet Shemesh. A beautiful town, without the sea, but with fantastic people. A real gathering of the exiles, communities full of chessed and parks for the kiddies.
But you know there is a BUT coming. The BUT is the fanatics who are trying their best to change the way we think and see things.
When I fist came to Israel, I used to hang out with the really heavy duty chassidic families in areas like Ezrat Torah in Jerusalem. Where women shave their heads and eat in the kitchen. Where boys and girls in one family cannot communicate even if they wanted to, because they do not share a language. The boys speak only Yiddish, and the girls - only Hebrew.  One of the grandmas there showed me her wedding album, and oh gosh. In the 30s, chassidic women wore skirts above the knee, and no socks! Her friends were photographed in short and light white and colourful dresses,  with hair showing, free dress style, open sandals, and looking very much like my mom did in her USSR life in the same 30s. The men had white suits, no beard, and no peot showing. Chassidim! What changed?!

When I came to live in Israel in 1995, there was one (one!!) separate bus in the whole country. And charedi people themselves found it weird and pointed at it, saying, oh, the crazies. Shall I remind you what it looks like now? Shall I remind you of all the cases of men hitting women (!) for refusing to sit where told? Bus tires sliced, bins burned.

11 years ago, when we moved to Bet Shemesh, the local advertising papers would publish pictures of girls under the age of 5 or so, but not older. No women. But at least girls! Since then, the faces of those girls have been blurred. Then, eventually, there were no girls at all.  The latest rules dictate that no women's names are to appear in the media.
The full list of new rules appears here: http://lifeinisrael.blogspot.co.il/2015/02/the-crazies-of-bet-shemesh-set-new.html
Here are some of them:
 * no images of sheitels or hair
 *  no images of men modeling anything. images of male children must be clearly haredi.
 * no advertising judo, self-defense, etc classes
 * no advertising driving lessons for women or yeshiva bochurim
 * no advertising mixed events or performers who perform before mixed crowds.
 * no advertising evenings of music or chazzanut even if it is for a male-only crowd and for a mitzva
 * no renting rooms for rent,  unless it is in a haredi area
 * no advertising restaurants or other entertainment spots that are not in haredi areas
 * cannot use the words "tzimmer", "pregnant", "nursing", names of women, ...
 * no using words and concepts of the army, police or academy...
What's happening to my people?  It's clearly a process. Where is it taking us?

The latest is that the very word "woman" has become dirty. There are pictures circulating on the social media - the Bet Shemesh women's wellness centre had the word "woman" obliterated.  This made me think of the lecture I've heard once from a dear teacher at Neve, Rebbetzen Heller. And her words stayed with me. She said, when people consider a thing dirty, they'll keep on inventing new euphemisms for it, while the old euphemisms will keep on becoming derogatory. Examples - any term related to the human reproductive system and excretion. Sadly, the same happened with the terms white people used for the black people - because of racist minds, ever new and exciting terms keep on coming up - "black" instead of the N word, etc. "Breast cancer" is the "women's disease".  So the word "woman" is the new derogatory. I dare my dear readers to look out for the new emerging euphemisms, invented to replace the "dirty" concept of "women". Because they'll come.

I find this tendency absolutely terrifying. For a number of reasons -
 1. Where does this stop? And does it? Why don't the authorities remove the children from homes where girls are forced to walk around in black tents and turn to the wall when a male enters? Is that any less abuse than, let's say, drug use? Or children who are beaten by their parents and get forcibly removed. In secular homes, children are taken away for a lot a lot less. The State is betraying those children.
 2. The split between the charedi society and everybody else - even the moderate charedim. In some 50 years we won't be one nation - there will be the tzanua ones and the ones who didn't measure up. Call it the new Christianity or whatever - it's coming.
 3. As the process goes on, there will be more and more violence against women and those who are in any way different. Extremist and narrow thinking cannot abide by any difference.
 4. The psychological aspect - this is not bordering on neurosis, it's way more. Thousands of children are receiving an education designed to damage them psychologically. The sex-phobia, the huge pink elephant nobody wants to talk about. Living in shame and fear of one's body.  When will they start removing lamp posts, because they look like the male member - I'm telling you, it's coming, too. Any object could be used for the purpose of fornication - because in their minds, all people think about is that. Regards from grandpa Freud. And our children will share the world with theirs. How?
I'm sorry to say, but for me, as a person who happens to know history really well, this situation is screaming louder than the sirens we had in the summer.  It's bringing up heavy associations - with the Inquisition, for example. This world view is more Christian than Christianity is today. With the Soviet style oppression of those who are different. With all the tragedies caused by racism. This is straight out of Orwell. And Freud. We claim to be the Chosen People, with God-given Torah and a just, Divine-ordained conduct of society. But the two just don't stitch together. If you believe one, the other is absurd, and visa versa. We cannot be both Divine -inspired and chosen, and try to obliterate the women. We can't have a society where only men are equal/chosen/accepted/ in existence.  We do not do "credo quia absurdum" - we have always been known for our logic. SO what's going on?

My postulate is that this tznius process is an extreme reaction to the Holocaust. Some people (Rabbis?) believe that we can prevent a recurrence of it by being invisible. By being more holy than humans, by becoming a body-less society, angels. If we are perfect, or rather, we don't exist in this sinful world,  there will be no Holocaust anymore. Their hatred for the State comes of the same root - the active, fighting and voting Jews are exposing themselves to Divine retribution, just like the "maskilim" did in the 30s, and if wrath gets poured, it will be poured on everybody. It's not a coincidence that the stories of the righteous escaping the Nazis by direct Divine intervention are bestsellers in the Charedi society. It is not a coincidence that they prohibit men from working - body-less men engaged in Torah only will sweeten the judgement. It's not a coincidence that women are expected to dwell in the Tent - that's how a woman becomes a body-less angel. Invisible and safe. The charedi society is disengaging not only from the secular Jews,  it's parting with the physical world as such. As much as possible.
Solutions? I have none. Perhaps this process has gone too far to stop or reverse it. But the only ones who can - the Rabbis - are actually propelling our people forward. They're removing them from the world in order to save them.  I don't know what can break the solid glass wall of their fear.
As the society becomes more and more stringent, more and more people part with it. They should have some kind of a support framework. And perhaps, it's time the State interfered to create that support. Many people have nowhere to go.  Perhaps time for the State to cooperate with the Rabbis. Time some things became illegal, and came with heavy fines. Because the shekel is something anyone understands. Time to open education centers, libraries, matnasim  in the Charedi areas - places where kids can find out about the world. Some kind of youth support groups - under the guidance of the Rabbis who do see beyond their noses.Education and extremism cannot go together.  And we can petition the State on the eve of the elections - for the sake of the future generations, for all of those. The women's party is the best and most hopeful sign of possible change.   It's time for charedim to come back to the world. Time for their children to stop living in terror.  God has placed us here to live and enjoy what we can.

Interviewing Ruth Kollian.

As a person who’s spent 8 years trying to be a charedi, as someone who knows the women’s situation there first hand, news of a charedi women’s party came as a bolt of thunder from a clear sky. How could this happen? According to our Rabbis, the place of a woman is in the kitchen. Are they, as well as everyone else, subject to changes that are taking place in our society? Observing the deep sociological processes taking place in that society may lead us to a conclusion that charedim might wish to be integrated in the wider society, and enter the work force market. And that leaves me hoping that one day our society might heal whole. Ruth Collian is the brave lady who dared take the rabbis on and walk her own path. 

-tell me please, why is there a need for a separate charedi party for women? And why now? Which needs and wishes are not being answered?

- there are 2 reasons. Firstly, the conditions in which charedi women live, and consequently, the state of their health. During the hearing in the Knesset committee for the position of women in the Israeli society the following statement was made: the mortality due to breast cancer is twice as high in the charedi sector as amongst the secular women. Why is that? The words “breast cancer” are not deemed modest enough to merit discussion. It’s the “women’s illness”. Charedi women take the eighth place in life expectancy in the Israeli society, while their men take the second. Why is that? How can that be, they eat the same food and breathe the same air. The difference is in the fact that women are being exploited.  The existing educational system allows women to become kindergarten teachers, school teachers and nursery workers, and that’s about it. Those women do not know their rights. Often, they don’t even have their travel expenses paid. For an 8 hours working day a woman gets paid a miserable amount of 2700 shekels, and her family is destined to live in poverty. There are thousands of those women, and our task is to help them.

The second problem is the women who suffer abuse in their family, usually by the hand of their husbands. Usually, they will not dare ask for help until their lives are threatened in a very meaningful way. And even if they dare, they have nowhere to turn. To ask for help means to be disowned by the wide community. I say that the abused woman gets beaten thrice: once by the husband, once by the community, which refuses to help her or to as much as acknowledge that such things take place in our society, and lastly, by the state. There are 14 shelters in Israel, out of them only one is suitable for the needs of the charedi women. It is difficult to understand, but that’s how it is – such a woman would never agree to be housed with her children in a shelter that has a TV set. For her whole life she’s been taught that the TV is the source of all evil. For her, that spiritual danger is much more meaningful and real than the damage done to her and her children by the father. And even that one and only shelter is full to its utmost capacity. And so she is being abused by the state, as well.

There is also the problem of the Rabbinic courts, which were given incomprehensible amount of power over people’s lives. It is a government institution which only employs men. It’s not a normal situation. There are judges who do their job honestly and diligently. However, there are judges who simply torture the women, trying to expose them as mentally and emotionally incapable. “Even if you are normal”, they say with their whole attitude – “by the time you come out, you’ll never be normal again”. In one case I know of, a woman complained that her husband abuses her, beats her. Once he poured a cup of water on her head, in front of her children and her whole family. The judge asked her, was the water hot or cold? – Warm, she answered. – And was the day hot? See, he cares for you! – was the judge’s conclusion. Women encounter despicable treatment when they turn for help. The attitude is “you were raped, but you must’ve enjoyed it”. Litzman and other Knesset members would gladly allow a woman cleaner into their house, but would never allow a woman attorney (toenet rabbanit) into the court proceedings. This is exactly the problem that we would like to fix – we intend to train women to work with the rabbinic courts, who would have the right to return a case for an additional hearing in cases of injustice. It’s time to bring an end to this carnival of bullying and humiliation. 

Obviously, we intend to care for the whole society, and not just our specific sector. The changes we intend to bring about would help all Israelis who weren’t born by the “feeder.” For example, we would like to extend the maternity leave, and to give men equal rights when claiming it. See, what happens now is that a woman comes for a job interview, and what goes through the head of prospective employer is that she is likely to give birth soon, since she is still in her reproductive years, so a man gets hired instead. If men could claim maternity leave, this consideration would no longer be relevant for the employer. Also, consider single mothers. Married women can earn as much as they want, while the poor woman who got dumped by her husband, and her husband doesn’t pay her the child support money, is limited to 4200 shekels income. If she earns more than 1600, she loses the child support that the state pays her. Is that how the Jewish State should conduct things? While her husband continues to live a life of leisure, as if nothing happened, she is just barely surviving. We would like to give these women an option of studying for a profession, so that they could provide for themselves. To turn them into a member of the society who benefits the whole, instead of being a burden on that whole. The State is effectively telling the women – go work without paying tax, get an undeclared salary. Because she cannot survive on what they give and allow her to have. The State doesn’t care about the children growing up in dire poverty. There are thousands of such mothers. This is something we would not give in on.

Also, many parties discuss the zero tax on basic products. But the list of those products just shows how far they are from the people.  It’s essential to include not only bread and milk on that list, but electricity, gas and medicines. Those are the essential products! Obviously, this would only apply to people who really need it.

For the “Russians”, I have another idea. The doctor who treats my children moved to Israel when she was older than 40. She spent 7 years proving her license. I asked her about her pension, and she just laughed. Pension? I don’t have any, she said. Well, that is unacceptable. The Jewish Agency brings people in without a consideration of what might befall them here. I would like to insist on a budget pension for all such people, who hadn’t had the time to earn it. Aliya should never be a goal in itself; we have to think about how these people will survive here. When I look at that doctor, I think of my mother. I wouldn’t want to see her in that situation! The State has to take responsibility for the people who cannot provide for themselves.

-Why do you insist on being represented in the Knesset? See, the problems of the Russian speaking sector are not new, and yet our representatives in the Knesset hadn’t been able able to solve them for the last 20 years. Why do you think you’d be able to help the charedi women from there?

-The Russian-speaking deputies also cannot identify with the person on the street – just as their Israeli colleagues cannot. They don’t know what it’s like, to live in fear, to not know where your piece of bread will come from. They can never understand it... I’ve been through it, and I understand. See, now I’ve got my lawyer’s diploma, I could just sit and make a decent living for my family, just like everybody does. But I can’t forget the suffering I’ve seen. 

-That’s exactly what I’ve been wanting to ask you about. How come you’ve got such a prestigious profession – you are a lawyer. The Rabbis, as we know, do not approve of people studying in universities, be they men or women.

-I’ve begun my studies, when, I think, the Rabbis haven’t quite figured out yet that a college is the same thing as a university. Now they would’ve never allowed it. When Rav Ovadya was still alive, because of his daughter, some rabbis were more lenient. Now they’re not.

- Tell me, what do you feel coming your way from the community? Is it animosity? Support? How do they treat you? I know the charedi community from the inside, and I can tell you that you are an incredibly brave woman.

- Yes, once they called me from a charedi radio station. The interviewer tried to expose me as a fool, as a little child. “Tell me, are you bored? Why not go do something useful in your kitchen? Why the Knesset? Are you even charedi?” – that’s what he said to me. I don’t take animosity to heart. There is a God, and He knows what’s really in my heart. He knows my deeds and intentions, and I do not have to give account to anyone else. There are Rabbis who support my initiative, but I can never name them, because they would be publically shamed. I would rather not run for the Knesset, than expose those people and cause them any kind of discomfort.

- what are the consequences of this campaign for you? For your family? Does your husband support you?

-at first, I was terrified. People would say to me; “Your children will never find a shidduch, because of what you’ve done. It’s terrible, when your daughter turns 28, and everybody is throwing her looks because she’s not yet married. Aren’t you afraid?” – and then I thought – why would I want those people in my family, anyway? Maybe I would not want them, and not visa versa? I am waiting to hear this question again, because now I have an answer for them. For some guy to marry my daughter, and demand that she becomes a nursery teacher to be exploited, without any rights? Never! Don’t let them think they’re doing me a favour by accepting me!

-Tell me, charedi women, when standing there alone in front of neat rows of cards with party names, are they still under control of the Rabbis? Would they dare vote for you? Or do they think God will punish them?

- at the polling station a woman stands alone, just with herself and God. Yes, many of them will say, I know the system is corrupt, but I am afraid. I hope there will be enough of them who will dare. That’s exactly how it is – I’m not even sure my own sister will dare vote for me for the fear of the Rabbis. She is one of those exploited nursery teachers whom I hope to help...

- Would you say these elections are a turning point in Israel’s history? What will change after them?

- Unquestionably so. People are saying that the protest of the charedi women is the most justified protest in the history of the State. It’s an earth-shifting change. It’s a promise of knowledge and independence for the charedi women.

-It sure sounds like a dream! I honestly feel like pinching myself. You are such a free-thinking person. Would you like to see the girls studying in the Bet Yaakov system developing free thinking skills, as well? Would you like to see more women attorneys? What would you change in that system?

- My children are getting a decent education. They are studying English...

- and sciences, as well?

- No, I’m not sure they do. But I’m very pleased with their studies. I insist on them getting a professional education, so that, God forbid, they would never be a burden on society. We say, make your Shabbat a weekday, but do not rely on others. And this is the society that is dependent on others in its entirety? That’s a disgrace.

- how would you deal with the fanatics who spit at women, burn bins and puncture tyres of “Egged” buses?

- We can only deal with them by explanations. Secular people often don’t understand just how our people are ready to give up their lives for the most minute injunction of the Torah. They perceive the new drafting law as an attempt to make them violate commandments. We must make it clear that the army doesn’t demand anything of the sort. It’s natural for people to be afraid of new things.. so they’re afraid. They just don’t know. I always compare the charedi society to an egg. If an egg is broken from the outside, it dies, but if the shell is broken from within – a new life is born. So too with our society – the changes are already taking place, but they must come from within.

- well, I’d like to wish you much luck in the upcoming elections! Thank you for sharing your views with ReLevant!

To stitch a quilt together

Israeli society is divided, polarized and  split.  There is very little or no communication between the groups. Prejudice is more prevalent than falafel. And every day , it bothers me more.
I teach in a special program for Ethiopians. More often than not, we end up discussing things, which I think are no less important than English, which they're meant to be learning. I cannot punish them, give them a grade, or send them home, I'm not a part of the system. So we end up talking. They asked me where I live, I said, Ramat Bet Shemesh. One kid said, oh, but that's where all those violent people in black live. They attack you and scream something in Yiddish. Is that what their language is called? Another one said, we waved some sticks at them and they run away. They think we are all murderers. And he added, there is like a line between their area and ours. They don't come to us, and we don't go to them. But if they attack us, we can fight! I said, hold on one second. Do you hear yourselves? You say, these violent people in black, and yet, they are afraid of you because you wave sticks at them. (And I didn't say, prejudiced against your black skin). They think you are the violent ones!  The bottom line is that no group is violent as a group - there are individuals who have problems, and cannot control themselves. And then I asked, have you ever spoken to any of them? Face to face? They admitted they have not. They don't feel safe or comfortable starting a conversation. I'm sure that fact applies in reverse. The Charedim have never sat down and had a conversation with the Ethiopians, who live 2 streets down. In my opinion, they have more in common than they know - dedication to customs, reverence of the elders, kids helping out at home, strict upbringing and living poverty, education challenges and rejection by the outside society, to name just a few. Yes, I'm aware of the stereotypes, but let's just say sometimes they are accurate. People in black are afraid of the black people, and visa versa. Oh, the irony.

Later that day I found myself waiting on the stairs of a regular Israeli school for my son to come out. He was taking an exam for a special program they run here in Bet Shemesh. We had about a half an hour left, more and more parents were coming. Eventually, they divided into 3 distinct groups, Israelis, Anglos, and Russians. As someone who's fully comfortable in all 3, I decided have a go listening in to all of them. The Israelis were waving their arms around, getting all emotional, blaming the police in light of the recent scandals, talking about education, kids' diet and the situation in the North.
When I joined the Anglos, I heard that they, too, were talking about schools, about the new location of the shuk in Bet Shemesh and the expenses involved in keeping  a big car.
The Russians - guess what? - were talking about education, as well! And about the challenges of living in a bilingual home and the rising expenses of living.
They, too, have so much in common. But not in a million years will it occur to them to talk about these things to each other!
Dear Anglos, please don't tell me your Hebrew is terrible or non-existent after 20 years of living here. When you don't make an effort to meet Israelis, get to know them, and maybe even get friendly. Underneath our skin and mentality there is something we all share as humans and Jews.
Dear Israelis, don't tell me the Anglos are all snobs. Because you haven't made an effort to approach them and ask how are they settling here.
And lastly, dear Russians, don't tell me the society rejects you because of being Russian. Because you're quite comfortable being rejected and keeping to yourselves, with your own shops, music and newspapers, and away from the "natives" .
What Bet Shemesh (and Israel) needs is for people to meet each other. To look each other in the eyes and say 'hello'. We will not be a nation till we at least learn to talk to each other. To learn each others customs. To reduce the fear. We resemble a multi-coloured quilt, and it's wonderful. But the quilt has to hold together, with words being the stitches.
So, let me challenge you, dear readers. Be brave. Approach an Ethiopian and ask him what his favourite food is. Approach a Russian and ask where they like to go shopping. Ask a chassid if they're happy with the weather.  It doesn't have to be complicated, or political, or charged. Just simple human interaction. Until that happens - we are not one people. We are not one city.We are exposed and vulnerable. Please comment below as to how you think we can fix it.

Just some unconnected thoughts

I think that any Jew alive today, and living as a Jew is a descendant of heroes. Any Jew today is of high lineage. Why? Because our ancestors chose to walk out of Spain and not become a Marrano. They chose to remain poor and uneducated in tzarist Russia and not become a Christian. They made all those choices, each and every Jew in his own lifetime. A long chain of heroism, self-denial, acceptance, faith. I hope and pray every day that my children will carry the mission on and not be the ones to break the chain of generations.

To love means to put your own life on the line. To accept a possibility that your heart might be broken into a thousand pieces. To trust another human - imperfect and fallible - with everything you have. If you don't trust completely, it ain't love. It's convenience.  Love is not only giving, and mutual, and caring, and being.  Love is trust.  That there isn't a monster hiding inside the other. To not have a plan B and a person B in mind. Possible? I don't know.

Love is trust and trust is love. But the ultimate trust is death.  Think about it - your body - your own precious body - in the hands of others. Unable to speak for itself, defend itself, express anything at all. Naked. Exposed and alone. With all its cellulite, grey hair, fat, and every blemish you've been striving to hide your whole life, stripped of all of its possessions, any protection.  The deceased has no choice but to trust, that's why in Judaism we treat them with the utmost respect. So so wise. Godly. it's not for them who died, it's for those who are still alive and watching, knowing that this is the end of all living things.

We are all crazy. There is this continuum of insanity, and we all are on it somewhere. Nobody is perfectly sane. It's impossible. We all have our psycho moments, when we lose touch with reality, become obsessive, we panic and suspect, deny and lie. Sometimes we get aggressive and lash out at those who don't deserve it. And then we say, what on earth has happened here? Don't ever look at those who are deeper than you on the psycho continuum. After all, you're on it, too, forever bobbing up and down like the float in the toilet water container, sinking when things are low. 

Each person lives in a see-through bubble. We wave and gesticulate and yell to others, locked in their identical bubbles. And sometimes they get the message, but most of the time it's distorted. Our entire communication is distorted. We think we understand each other, but in the end of the day the bubbles of the "self" prevent any real understanding. We see others through the prism of self. We think we know them, but in reality, we're only seeing our expectations, hopes, illusions of what others might be. And then suddenly we wake up, thinking, how can that be? A minute ago we had such perfect understanding, and now there are pieces of us and our relationship on the floor. A heart may be next to a heart, but the bubble still separates them.

The biggest fear is not that of death. It's of public humiliation. Of sticking out. of being the odd one out, the black sheep and the white crow - choose the imagery your language likes the most.  The age does not even matter, adults are just as guilty as teenagers. Don't believe me? Go out in a wheelchair one day. I think one of the greatest achievements of the civilization we call ours is that it's working on welcoming all people. One of the greatest achievements of our army is not the Iron Dome, but the unit where Down syndrome kids serve the country. It makes me cry just to think of it.  At least in a declaration, in the Western world we are all equal. At least we are instructed to treat the "other" with respect. It only took 2000 years of religious wars, witch hunts, slavery, and a few genocides here and there. The society is judged by how it treats the "other". However, there is still an animal underneath it all. If tomorrow the people wake up with famine at their doorstep, it would all be reversed in an instant. May we never be tested. May our humanity remain unscratched an unadulterated.

A bumpy ride to happiness

Yesterday I had one of the worst teaching experiences ever. A group of students from another class stormed into my classroom (when my own students were barely behaving, with the vacation next week and my voice all gone), and hit my students, cursed, threw things.. When I told them to get out one of them threw a book which barely missed my face and hit my side.
Back in the safety of the teachers' room I told my colleagues about what happened, and one of them, a woman with a good few university diplomas and 5 languages, said something that stayed with me. "They're all selfish! It's all me! me! me! No wonder they can't learn! From the earliest baby days they are told that their happiness is the most important thing. To be happy right now, to only do what makes them happy. If homework doesn't make them happy, they don't do it!"
And indeed, the selfishness of the Israeli society was one of the first things that stares in the face of a (Russian) newcomer. In the old country, you don't matter. The State does, and people are nothing. Which causes distortions to no end, but I'm not going to dwell on that. Here, you - you! the individual! - are everything. People are bombarded with advertisements which are custom tailored to play on our selfishness and desire for comfort. But you want to be happy/pain free/beautiful/masculine/ attractive? Just buy this product and you shall be immediately transformed. You will be happy, and... Hold your breath, here comes the punch line - you will be loved. You will be perfect enough to deserve it. In the consumer world you have to be perfect to be loved. Or is it just physical desire? Eros and Tanatos still rule. If you open a yellow tabloid, it's all about love and death. The headlines scream of the most gruesome deaths, which could shame even the MIddle Ages. In the world geared for happiness, we don't expect to be mortal more than that - suddenly mortal.(Bulgakov).  But deep down we know that we are... .  Please don't mention death. It's uncomfortable.  Not polite. Please refrain from reminding me that my days are numbered. So that I can go home and read about gruesome deaths of others and rejoice that it's far from me. Feed that sick curiosity that built the catacombs full of skulls and worshiped severed fingers of Saints. Oh, let us be merry for tomorrow we die.
However, the desire for love is still the main human motive. The population in the West are sad. Very, very sad, in fact- depressed. The percentage of people taking Prozac and all such is staggering. They feel lonely, unloved, sad, inferior, and bitter. And so so afraid. Of terrorists, cancer and a lonely death.
I'm going to try and tie the two together.

When from the earliest days of being conscious of one's existence a person is persuaded that their happiness is above all, they become incapable of any effort. Because effort means depriving yourself of comfort for a promise of a higher reward. It's the most human trait, something that propelled the civilizations forward for millennia. And now it seems to be all gone. An effort invested in education would yield a career. Money, cars, trips to see the world and something to leave for your own children.  In other words, exactly what everyone wants. But oh, what if I fail? So some don't even try. I have students who know the stuff, but don't bother writing the answers. They say, "I don't want to do the test". They get a zero, but paradoxically, don't feel like they failed. because, you see, they didn't want to do the test... had they only wanted... I can see them selling falafel 30 years later, with their faces charred by the bad habits they're already engaging in and utterly hopeless, cursing the government and bemoaning their evil lot. How sad...

An effort invested in a relationship would bring happiness. But not the glittery happy-ever-after of Hollywood. Investing in a relationship means investing your heart. With a very real possibility that it might one day be broken into a thousand little pieces. With a possibility that you'll be hurt beyond recovery. But to find that happiness you're looking for, you must invest your whole self, your whole heart, without holding anything back, or your happiness would be only a partial one. But a person born for comfort and happiness - ironically - is not capable of achieving it. They know they're looking for something, but they can't even name it, let alone find the path to it.
And believe me, the media world is aware of that, too. It's trying to sell you solutions. Healers of all kinds, shamans, necromancers, seers, hypnotists,  psychologists and coaches, self-help books. "The Path" and "The Journey". Be vegan so you could live forever.  And the lottery. All these become popular in heavy, harsh times, when the future is uncertain, and people try to look beyond the physical. In my opinion, a society where seers flourish and a vast percentage of the population sees winning the lottery as more probable than making money from decent work, is a sick society. It's not well, it's got a fever. With all the amazing things this society has to say for itself, such as unity during troubling times, the outstanding amount of support we're capable of giving, the roots are rotting.
We don't know why we are here, as in this Land, and even more so - what are we supposed to do with this life in general. We want to emigrate to Berlin, to the end of the world, in fact, to escape our Jewish destiny. But it would find us even in Australia. A generation born for comfort, wants "Peace now" , like a candy - right now! We don't want to fight, work, struggle, and suffer. What for?! And that is why people who are prepared to suffer for this Land, are being so successful against us. Because we want it easy. And that makes us weak.

I say, we begin with education. As my colleague said, it's rotten to the core. WE HAVE NO EDUCATION ANYMORE.
Why don't we start with the simplest things, which are meant to underline the society, but don't.
Life is a struggle.  We are here to stay. It's our Land. You are born not to vegetate in eternal comfort, but to work your butt off. In the sweat of your brow, with your soul you win your bread. Maybe if that was an expectation, it wouldn't come as such a shock to them once they grow up. Teach them to be grateful, and expect a bumpy ride. Chasing happiness is a cat chasing its own tail. Turn around and you'll find it.  Gratitude creates happiness. Expectations of life, blown out of proportion, create misery and a demand for Prozac.
You get only if you give. Not in a Communist sense, but in the simplest human sense. Once you're out of diapers, nobody will be able to provide you with complete happiness instantly, and it's wrong to expect it. Happiness is a hard daily work, but it's worth it. Self-development is worth it. Life is worth it. The more you invest in it, in yourself, the more beautiful and rewarding it will be in your old age.  It's too beautiful to be spent expecting a million shekels from the lottery, which might never come. And believe me, your penny earned with hard work will be more precious to you than millions won without any effort. Life is it's own reward. Dixie.