Tuesday 16 December 2014

A bumpy ride to happiness

Yesterday I had one of the worst teaching experiences ever. A group of students from another class stormed into my classroom (when my own students were barely behaving, with the vacation next week and my voice all gone), and hit my students, cursed, threw things.. When I told them to get out one of them threw a book which barely missed my face and hit my side.
Back in the safety of the teachers' room I told my colleagues about what happened, and one of them, a woman with a good few university diplomas and 5 languages, said something that stayed with me. "They're all selfish! It's all me! me! me! No wonder they can't learn! From the earliest baby days they are told that their happiness is the most important thing. To be happy right now, to only do what makes them happy. If homework doesn't make them happy, they don't do it!"
And indeed, the selfishness of the Israeli society was one of the first things that stares in the face of a (Russian) newcomer. In the old country, you don't matter. The State does, and people are nothing. Which causes distortions to no end, but I'm not going to dwell on that. Here, you - you! the individual! - are everything. People are bombarded with advertisements which are custom tailored to play on our selfishness and desire for comfort. But you want to be happy/pain free/beautiful/masculine/ attractive? Just buy this product and you shall be immediately transformed. You will be happy, and... Hold your breath, here comes the punch line - you will be loved. You will be perfect enough to deserve it. In the consumer world you have to be perfect to be loved. Or is it just physical desire? Eros and Tanatos still rule. If you open a yellow tabloid, it's all about love and death. The headlines scream of the most gruesome deaths, which could shame even the MIddle Ages. In the world geared for happiness, we don't expect to be mortal more than that - suddenly mortal.(Bulgakov).  But deep down we know that we are... .  Please don't mention death. It's uncomfortable.  Not polite. Please refrain from reminding me that my days are numbered. So that I can go home and read about gruesome deaths of others and rejoice that it's far from me. Feed that sick curiosity that built the catacombs full of skulls and worshiped severed fingers of Saints. Oh, let us be merry for tomorrow we die.
However, the desire for love is still the main human motive. The population in the West are sad. Very, very sad, in fact- depressed. The percentage of people taking Prozac and all such is staggering. They feel lonely, unloved, sad, inferior, and bitter. And so so afraid. Of terrorists, cancer and a lonely death.
I'm going to try and tie the two together.

When from the earliest days of being conscious of one's existence a person is persuaded that their happiness is above all, they become incapable of any effort. Because effort means depriving yourself of comfort for a promise of a higher reward. It's the most human trait, something that propelled the civilizations forward for millennia. And now it seems to be all gone. An effort invested in education would yield a career. Money, cars, trips to see the world and something to leave for your own children.  In other words, exactly what everyone wants. But oh, what if I fail? So some don't even try. I have students who know the stuff, but don't bother writing the answers. They say, "I don't want to do the test". They get a zero, but paradoxically, don't feel like they failed. because, you see, they didn't want to do the test... had they only wanted... I can see them selling falafel 30 years later, with their faces charred by the bad habits they're already engaging in and utterly hopeless, cursing the government and bemoaning their evil lot. How sad...

An effort invested in a relationship would bring happiness. But not the glittery happy-ever-after of Hollywood. Investing in a relationship means investing your heart. With a very real possibility that it might one day be broken into a thousand little pieces. With a possibility that you'll be hurt beyond recovery. But to find that happiness you're looking for, you must invest your whole self, your whole heart, without holding anything back, or your happiness would be only a partial one. But a person born for comfort and happiness - ironically - is not capable of achieving it. They know they're looking for something, but they can't even name it, let alone find the path to it.
And believe me, the media world is aware of that, too. It's trying to sell you solutions. Healers of all kinds, shamans, necromancers, seers, hypnotists,  psychologists and coaches, self-help books. "The Path" and "The Journey". Be vegan so you could live forever.  And the lottery. All these become popular in heavy, harsh times, when the future is uncertain, and people try to look beyond the physical. In my opinion, a society where seers flourish and a vast percentage of the population sees winning the lottery as more probable than making money from decent work, is a sick society. It's not well, it's got a fever. With all the amazing things this society has to say for itself, such as unity during troubling times, the outstanding amount of support we're capable of giving, the roots are rotting.
We don't know why we are here, as in this Land, and even more so - what are we supposed to do with this life in general. We want to emigrate to Berlin, to the end of the world, in fact, to escape our Jewish destiny. But it would find us even in Australia. A generation born for comfort, wants "Peace now" , like a candy - right now! We don't want to fight, work, struggle, and suffer. What for?! And that is why people who are prepared to suffer for this Land, are being so successful against us. Because we want it easy. And that makes us weak.

I say, we begin with education. As my colleague said, it's rotten to the core. WE HAVE NO EDUCATION ANYMORE.
Why don't we start with the simplest things, which are meant to underline the society, but don't.
Life is a struggle.  We are here to stay. It's our Land. You are born not to vegetate in eternal comfort, but to work your butt off. In the sweat of your brow, with your soul you win your bread. Maybe if that was an expectation, it wouldn't come as such a shock to them once they grow up. Teach them to be grateful, and expect a bumpy ride. Chasing happiness is a cat chasing its own tail. Turn around and you'll find it.  Gratitude creates happiness. Expectations of life, blown out of proportion, create misery and a demand for Prozac.
You get only if you give. Not in a Communist sense, but in the simplest human sense. Once you're out of diapers, nobody will be able to provide you with complete happiness instantly, and it's wrong to expect it. Happiness is a hard daily work, but it's worth it. Self-development is worth it. Life is worth it. The more you invest in it, in yourself, the more beautiful and rewarding it will be in your old age.  It's too beautiful to be spent expecting a million shekels from the lottery, which might never come. And believe me, your penny earned with hard work will be more precious to you than millions won without any effort. Life is it's own reward. Dixie.