My herbs teacher says, "suffering is the easiest thing in the world". What he means is that people would much, much rather suffer for years, than do something about it. Regardless of what "it" might be, sometimes the action needed to bypass the "it" and move on is so absurdly little, and yet people find it impossible to move on in life. And I know I'm equally guilty of this, with my pet sugar addiction and habit of complaining.
Diabetes is considered the easiest condition to treat with alternative means - and yet the most difficult. We were advised against taking on diabetes patients, even though they don't even need us - they can easily do it themselves, with diet, exercise and supplements. Why? Because improving your state in case of diabetes requires a significant behaviour change. It would be necessary to change habits, walk off the beaten track into the unknown, and persisit with it. So no, I have my pills, they say, yeah, I know, and yet I can't...
A person suffers from horrific heartburn, gastritis, soon to be ulcer. Her diet? Sausages, chips, pickles. I don't like vegetables. Are you serious, woman? Would you rather have ulcer?! Would you rather take aluminum for 20 years? Apparently, the answer is yes.
A man working 14 hours a day in an office, then sometimes more at home, suffers from severe psoriasis, colitis, palpitations and insomnia. I won't tell you what he eats, you'll cry. I know he needs money, but will he be taking it to the grave?
A woman who's been a housewife for 10 years. Wants to get a job, needs to get one, but "I can't get up early. I'm an owl". Again - are you kidding me? Would you rather continue suffering from poverty? Do you even hear yourself? You can't? Oh, but it's such a familiar suffering. Another helping of familiar suffering, please.
I hear that "I can't" daily. And not only from patients. It's much easier to announce that "my life cannot be changed" and "nobody can help me", than to do it.
Why is that so? What's holding us back?
One - fear. What if I do whatever it is, take the plunge, and nothing changes? Then the suffering will be really unbearable, because then it will be coupled up with a sense of failure and an awareness of hopelessness. I suspect that I'm nothing, but if I fail, I'll know for a fact that I'm nothing. Our education is success-oriented from birth and on. We don't think of Edison, who failed 100 times and succeeded on the 101st. Refraining from taking action gives us hope, which is as essential to us humans as bread and water. Take away bread and water, but give me hope. A lottery ticket in my purse, called "one day". One day I'll do it. One day things will change (by themselves). No wonder astrology is only ever gaining popularity - please tell me when the things will change for me? When is an opportune time? It just illustrates how people believe that nothing is in their control. That creates apathy, tiredness, inertia. Another tired generation is growing up. I'll get my BA, start dating, lose weight , quit smoking and start working out. I promise you. One day.
Two - we feel so little against the circumstances, our destiny, we fell pushed up against the wall. We feel like little children,waiting for mommy to take us by the hand and do whatever is necessary.
However, we are not children anymore. According to Erikson's stages of development, middle aged adult has to choose between generativity and self- absorbtion. Do we choose to contribute or do we choose to live in fear? Do we choose to change or to continue suffering. The first step is to realize the choice is there. The second is to see yourself as a worthwhile investment.
We lack self- esteem, confidence, courage. We sell ourselves so cheap. If you were kidnapped, God forbid, would anyone be willing to pay ransom for you? If you fell down on the street with a cardiac arrest, would people rush to help you? I dare say, the answer is yes. Congratulations - we've established it as a fact. You are worthwhile just by virtue of being human. You - your body and soul - deserve the effort you can invest in them.
The thing is, God/life/carma will keep on trying. It will keep on giving us hints big and small, to remind us that our time on this Earth is so so limited. That in the end of the day, your only real acquisition in this world is yourself. That what you want written on your tombstone is not "I couldn't" or, "she was a victim of circumstances". And I hate to break this to you - you are a grownup. You are in control- exactly as much as you choose to be. Obviously, we don't get to pick things that happen to us, but we sure do choose how to react to them. Sometimes it doesn't even matter what you do - do something. Anything. As one of my favourite songs goes -
Life is bringing us surprises, Life is whacking us away
And depression just cuts down our neat combinations
The situation's so stressful, the psychiatrists collapse...
And his advice is:
Do anything - have sex, do sports or swim,
Breed fish, slap your boss in the face, at least once,
Do something, just don't sit. Lift your relics off the couch,
get up and move, seduce your neighbour, your in-laws, but just don't sit.
Timur Shaov, "Fighting depression"
He has a point, no?
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